A Memoir of Leanne Ho Wai Yee

何惠宜紀念網誌 Leannehohoisum 輯錄了她在患癌期間的11篇分享與及其他有關文章。復發後在醫院時，身體太弱，丈夫William為她寫上了38篇Leanne Update，直至她去世為止。William在她的安葬禮後，每天寫一篇的走出哀傷日記，治療傷痛，懷緬Leanne。還有朋友的多篇分享。網誌讓大家緬懷Leanne，看見她的生命和信仰。讓緬懷化成文字，文字變成回憶，回憶點滴活在我們的腦海中。hohoisum09@gmail.com是她在09年抗癌時起用的email，提醒自己要開心hoisum，好開心hohoisum。願大家每天都開心。喜樂的心乃是良藥。

2011年11月30日星期三

William 走出哀傷日記 (118) 寶島天籟

Leanne,

記得我倆過去都有參加過台灣月的活動。今年我也選了他們的壓軸，拉縴人男聲合唱團，拿了兩張票。

這次我另外多取兩票，益了您的同學，我已加入了他們的Facebook群組。我們相約大會堂低座，還早十五分鐘進場。雖然坐在Balcony，仍看到台上一清二楚，坐在較高位置，音效還是可以的。

開始時候，唱了如鹿渴慕清泉，oh！不是如鹿切慕溪水嗎？聖經詩篇四十二篇1節。人數不到十個，也許是在熱身階段，有點未到狀態。到了唱偉大的奧秘時，加了一小隊人，約四至六個，這小隊人卻站在右方的包廂台上，一前一後，又像和唱，前後呼應，這是偉大的奧秘嗎？也制造了立體感。

到了海之歌的系列，要full team了，分成三排共32人，另有指揮和鋼琴，共34人。這樣，氣勢還是有的，雖然未感受到太平洋之風，卻像置身於台灣海峽，面對著大海，必需說，有成員走出來唱了一段solo是一處敗筆。

中場休息後，穿了一身金黃色唐裝進場，唱着聖母頌！是新改篇吧？聽不出是聖母頌！直至再唱1977版是，才認得出，that's Ave Maria！

要讚一讚是，他們不再列成整齊三排，正向觀眾演唱，而是分散了，各人走到台上不同位置，或站或坐，有些繞着腳，有些面向觀眾，更多的是面向其他方向，甚至背觀眾，卻一同合唱著，指揮沒有了，會失音準嗎？正為他們擔心，這時已傳到耳中的和唱聲，是出奇的和諧，但卻多了一份層次感。這樣的舞台合唱法，教我大鄉里，耳目一新，大開眼介。

穿了一身唐裝，就是為了壓軸的華語歌曲，包括新疆哈薩克民歌：等你到天明。從北疆回來，聽着好像格外親切。

以為沒有Encore，觀眾比較熱情，他們又為我們唱了一首聖誕歌，唱罷觀眾熱烈的掌聲仍是停不了，再爲我們唱賀年歌？不是，是：奉獻，作為一支業餘隊伍，單單為着歌唱的熱誠，走到今天絕不容易。又要顧及工作，找場地練習也有困難。可算是奇蹟！

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjW7DPMRiYQ

William

2011.11.30

2011年11月28日星期一

William 走出哀傷日記 (117) 自由意志

Leanne,

您爸如您所願，在您走了以後不久，返過窩福。我陪過他，了解過他的困難，只能聽到三成。這是靠着言語的限制吧？讓他看見，繼續祈求吧！

十一月初，您爸和我媽返了北宣懇親佈道會。席上，他仍是不太聽清楚台上講甚麽，努力去吃枱上的食物。奇怪的是，我媽卻好像聽得一清二楚，牧師呼召時，她為他加了一句：惠宜想與您在天堂同聚。您爸卻回說：有乜好見呀！

最近我們完成了您爸的兩個心願，已經安排了八十大壽和坐直升機。中間少不免有麻煩，有家庭成員也有不滿了。

我仍有繼續約您爸飲茶，目標是每周有一次，好多了解他，代您盡了您的心願。見面多了，知道他原來不是單顧自己，會想到別人，想到我，我又意外又感恩。他囑咐我早點上班，講了他的看法。我簡單向他講了，沒想他會明白。其實他也不懂也不打算了解別人的想法，這是意料之中。他要求我找些BBC碟給他看，他說最喜歡看動物獵殺場面，夠刺激。其他單是知識性的，他沒大興趣。他只看到殺戮亦單喜歡剌激的一剎，看不到也不想理背後的生態平衡，各樣創造和安排之奇妙。這便是他⋯。

感恩人有自由意志，去尋找，去迷失，去一意孤行⋯最終爲自己負上責任和代價。

我仍會繼續與他的相約在星期五。God will find him。

William

2011.11.29

William 走出哀傷日記 (116) 2010 世界冠軍麵包

Leanne,

忘記從甚麼時候開始，您是一個徹頭徹尾的麵包癡。和您到歐洲，每天吃着不同的麵包，對我來說，天天都是一樣，都是麵包，而且是硬的麵包，吃到我口腔都受損，您卻特別鍾情於硬的麵包。

您還上堂學做麵包，西式和中式都學了。十多年前，家用麵包機仍未曾普及，我們家已經配置了，是made in Japan。遇上好的麵包店，您必去試試。我記得Pumpernickel是您其中之favorite。日子有功，我現在也沒那麼抗拒麵包，還學到分辨好與更好的。

原來有一個世界麵包比賽，心想不是日本便是德國。這個比賽由法國知名的酵母公司Louise Lesaffre每三年舉辦一次，是全球烘焙業最關注的盛事，參賽者從五十個國家，經過各大洲的選拔賽篩選出最後的十二隊。結果是大跌眼鏡，是台灣拿下來，還是屏東鄉下一個麵包師傅。您看看。

2011年11月23日星期三

William 走出哀傷日記 (115) 家中野外定向

Leanne,

您向來活潑鬼馬又多鬼主意。喜歡大自然的您，不單在野外玩定向，還把它帶回家，帶進我倆的生活裏面。

多年以來，我出差多，後來更長駐國內，周五晚才回港。那一晚，您給我一份驚喜的安排，累極的身軀也跳了起來。

今日再看，見到一份深深的愛。

多謝您留下這些家中野外定向咭，成了美好的回憶。

那餐廳仍在老地方。

William

2011.11.23

2011年11月22日星期二

William 走出哀傷日記 (114) 熱愛大自然

Leanne,

近日開始整理您多年來留下來的書信。您都分門別類儲存得十分齊整，人間少有。找到您在八十年代寫給我的小簡。

那些年，您已經十分熱愛大自然。您說：「不單因為富挑戰性⋯是覺得與神很親近。靠着那加添我力的神使我行畢全程！」

我見證您真的靠着神走畢您的全程，Tiffy寫在facebook上面，說對您十分之十二的佩服，

您知道嗎？近朱者赤是對的，多年下來，我也受到您的影響，現在也變得熱愛大自然。如您所說，身處大自然之時，覺得與神特別親近。還有，讓我憶起與您倘佯於大自然的歲月。

William

2011.11.22

2011年11月14日星期一

William 走出哀傷日記 (113) 中國攝影黃金地 : 光霧山

Leanne,

您是中國旅遊的訂戶，我們幾乎每年都去聽陳一年的攝影黃金地講座，一切都是在您病發前。已經忘了多久沒去聽了。只知道現在攝影黃金地已出了第四冊了，頭三冊可以在圖書館借到。您和我最後一次旅遊看秋色就是四川光霧山。曾反對在康復期間參加攝影團，但您的一句話：「讓我陪您去最後一次。」我心也軟下來，估不到真的是一語成讖。

其實當日光霧山的相片還未有好好整理，還有⋯。我要加緊點，畢竟這真的是我倆最後的一次旅行，別具紀念價值。雖然我倆覺得光霧山的秋色有點美中不足，但我知您玩得很開心，那一次，我注意到您，您沒拍很多的照片，我想信您用眼睛拍了下來，現在這些影像還陪伴着您嗎？

四川光霧山也列進攝影黃金地第三冊。

最近我去聽了陳一年的攝影黃金地講座，他們推廣第四冊。他長了鬍鬚，都班白了，差點認不得他。他的slides我用三叔拍了下來，放在我的blog : http://williamctma.blogspot.com。山東榮城有一個天鵝拍攝地，值得一看。這次commerical promotion愈來愈厲害，slides有產品照，中間還會停一下介紹產品。

William

2011.11.14

2011年11月13日星期日

William 走出哀傷日記 (112) Rick Warren

Leanne,

Got an email supporting my journey of recovery.

You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California .

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:

People ask me, What is the purpose of life?

And I respond:

In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?

Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.

That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD. Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.

Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.

Painful moments, TRUST GOD.

Every moment, THANK GOD..

If you do not pass it on, nothing will happen. But it will just be nice to pass it on to a friend....just like I have done.

God's Blessings

HE ARRIVED THIS MORNING, WE HAD PRAYER; SPENT SOME TIME JUST TALKING, AND HE HELD ME FOR AWHILE BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A BAD MORNING.. THEN, HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO YOUR PLACE.

William

2011.11.14

William 走出哀傷日記 (111) 懷念着您

Leanne,

許冠英走了。在腦海中，他留給我有兩首歌，第一首是蝦妹共你，第二首是懷念着您 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38LSEkQSwx0&NR=1)。
作曲是許冠傑，作詞乃黃沾。

今天晚上唱給您聽。

懷念著您，想起舊事
從前日子，多少恩義
誰料到今天再難相見
誰料到今生不許再癡
懷念著您，憶起舊事
從前日子，幾許恩義
誰料到今天會緣盡分散
餘下我心中癡癡情意
還會記起當初的約誓
約誓互愛不會無義
還會記起歡欣的往事
癡癡的愛和那甜蜜的相思
懷念著您，想起舊事
從前日子，當初那情誼
讓我此生永久長存在心裡
能令我天天癡癡懷念你

還會記起當初的約誓
約誓互愛不會無義
還會記起歡欣的往事
癡癡的愛和那甜蜜的相思
懷念著您，想起舊事
從前日子，當初那情誼
讓我此生永久長存在心裡
留下我心中癡癡情意
留下我心中癡癡情意

William

2011.11.13